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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  September 22, 2012 12:00am-1:05am PDT

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tonight on "jimmy kimmel live" -- terry bradshaw. >> you lost a lot of weight. >> a little bit. >> jimmy: when you were with fox you were chubby boy. >> dave matthews. >> i sweat a lot. that's the only reason i can't bring sexy back. >> "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> the reason that i'm in this race is to [ bleep ] people. >> and music from dave matthews band. >> i put it "when you need it, it don't seem stolen" right up there with "it ain't no fun if the homies can't have none."
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>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- terry bradshaw. dave matthews. and music from dave matthews band. with cleto and the cletones. and now, just relax. here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome, everyone. thank you very much for coming. well, that's -- that's very nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thank you for making a long and harrowing journey to be here
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with us this evening. [ cheers and applause ] well, i'm glad you're in a good mood. you're here on a good night. first of all, the human hurricane known as terry bradshaw is with us here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] for those who don't know, terry and i used to work together at fox sports. he didn't like me much. but i was always very fond of him. i love animals. i really do. and also tonight, the reason the goodyear blimp is overhead, dave matthews band is here. [ cheers and applause ] that blimp -- it follows dave wherever he goes. poor guy can't even use the bathroom. hey, this is kind of exciting. for the first time in 28 years, scientists have discovered a new species of monkey. and look at how excited he is. [ laughter ] that's it. quite a face, huh? the monkey was found in the congo where locals call it a lisula. scientists call it -- i like the people in the congo see this monkey all the time and even have a name for it and we call it a discovery.
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the first discovery. apparently discovery is when a white person finally discovers something. stupid white people. [ applause ] i hate them so much. but this is unbelievable news. a new iphone and a new monkey all in the same week. what are the odds? the researchers have found these monkeys, are concerned about protecting them. the first one they found lived in a house of a local school director. it was a female. the owner said she was a pet but he was unable to explain the packages of dipping sauce placed strategically around the cage, you see, because they were going to eat it. [ laughter ] let's see that little guy again. i -- [ laughter ] never seen an animal so disappointed in the human race. you know, it reminds me of adrian brody. right? [ applause ] kind of him. i have an app on my iphone that swaps people's faces. you take a picture and it swaps. let's try it with adrian and the
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monkey. go ahead and swap the -- [ laughter ] imagine having a little pet that looks just like you. how weird would that be? let's do guillermo now. let's get guillermo's face up there. and -- [ applause ] i like both sides of that. now let's do terry bradshaw. see if there's any difference at all. there. it's like he -- [ applause ] i think we found the missing link. that's what terry would look like with hair. if you live here in l.a., you probably saw this all over the news. four men robbed a bank, allegedly, and then led police on an hour-long chase but it wasn't your typical police chase. i guess in an attempt to slow the cops down, they started throwing money out of the car. and, of course, people were running into the street to grab it. it was like an exceptionally dangerous version of "cash cab." [ laughter ] not a bad idea, but -- the strategy backfired because all -- the people rushing out on the street eventually blocked
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the suv and the police captured three of the four guys. as for the money, apparently it's illegal for people to keep it. it is strictly catch and release. but of course, most of them kept the money anyway, and some of them even did interviews. this one was my favorite. i don't know if this guy got the money or not. but this is from ktla news. i think this gentleman made a pretty good argument as to why he should be able to keep it. >> this man says he's unemployed, hopped on his bike to try to come and collect some cash. >> it might be stolen cash, but when you need it, it don't seem stolen. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i hope that's his lawyer on the phone. i have to say -- [ applause ] i put "but when you need it, it don't seem stolen" up there with "it ain't no fun if the homies can't have none." [ laughter ] get to work, snoop. the city-wide teacher's strike in chicago entered day four today. 26,000 teachers walked off the
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job monday, which means 400,000 students are laying around the house. the president of the teachers union said she believes there could be a resolution over the weekend. but in the meantime, kids aren't learning, and that's where we step in. there are two kinds of education -- there's book smarts and there's street smarts. tonight, we've combined both of those by asking some of the costume characters here on the street on hollywood boulevard to explain the early development of the universe. >> big bang theory actually started with the -- basically, it's about evolution. >> got to do with the turtles and how evolution has come together, with the turtles, once they die off, then the cows will die. and then after the cows, it's the humans. >> the big bang theory is the banks and central bank of america and all the people around the globe is controlling -- is -- is -- a lot
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of things are happening, being monetary system being changed and a lot of global effects is happening. >> another thing with the big bang theory is gun powder and solar flares. >> and the masses all got together with the gravities of all the different gases and the stars burned. >> and that's when extinction happened of the dinosaurs and they disappeared, but they just, like, actually, fell into a pit of tar. it's on the corner of wilshire and la brea, so, they are taking the dinosaurs out now. it's called the la brea tar pits. >> yeah, that's the big bang theory. i wasn't the first one to come up with this theory. it was in many books and christopher columbus, i'm sure, i'm sure he had something to do with it, too, and -- maybe even the quaker oatmeal guy. who knows? i mean, that guy was smart. >> jimmy: see, kids, that's what
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happens when you don't go to school. [ applause ] new york city board of health approved a controversial new ban today. under the ban, it will be illegal for restaurants, movie theaters and street carts to sell sodas and sugary drinks more than 16 ounces. new york might be the only city in the world where you can have a guy deliver drugs to your apartment but you can't get a large coke. probably a good idea but it does present a lot of issues that need to be worked out. for instance, without 64-ounce cups, where will homeless men go to the bathroom in new york, other than every place? on the other side of the subway token, fashion week wrapped up tonight in new york. leonardo dicaprio was there, checking out the new line of spring girlfriends. kate gosselin showed up. to model clothes at a charity event. her ex-husband jon gosselin stayed at home and put an ed hardy fashion show on for the kids. in the mobile home he shares with his mother and their cats, but --
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this is the week we get to see all of the new clothes that no one will ever wear. fashion week is probably the closest thing women have to fantasy football in terms of activities the other sex can't understand at all, but -- i really, honestly, i cannot -- i don't understand this. i -- i don't get this. i don't know -- i -- i want that. i want this. i'd like to -- oh, my god. i've been looking everywhere for a giraffe skin overall set. meanwhile, dr. oz had quite a premiere week. yesterday, michelle obama was on dr. oz's show, and this is great. watch what happens moments after he throws to break. >> kids don't want to sit around. they're ready to play. >> we've got some big announcements today. so, stay tuned to find out what it is. we'll be right back. >> oz uncensored. your most outrageous, humiliating confessions. camel toe. >> should i be concerned? >> jimmy: they really classed things up for the first lady.
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[ laughter ] hey -- [ applause ] speaking of the obamas. there's a new poll out today, it claims that 58% of americans believe barack obama would beat mitt romney in a fistfight. the research was done by yahoo and the institute of things no one was wondering about. [ laughter ] i didn't realize that was an option. maybe we should do it. maybe we can wrap this election up tonight. make it a pay per view. we could wipe out the national debt in one night if we had this. [ applause ] we really could. i'm trying to imagine, though -- trying to imagine a scenario in which mitt romney would even get in a fight. how dare you, no one insults my collection of rare chinese spoons and gets away with it. i'm guessing the people who picked obama to win this fight haven't seen this photograph. i think -- does that change anything? [ laughter ] little bit? maybe they meant michelle obama
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would. i like the idea of a fistfight to pick the commander in chief. finally, my dream of a president mike tyson could become a reality. let's do this. here's some interesting technology news. greek scientists -- i didn't know they had greek scientists. i know there's a lot of yogurt over there, but they do. they're developing a thermal imaging technology they say could help police identify drunk people. apparently when you get drunk, the blood vessels in your face dilate and your face gets warmer, and this new technology can detect subtle temperature changes. so, if you want to get drunk in public, you'll have to tape ice cream sandwiches to your face. i don't know why they would spent money on this. you want to know somebody is drunk? here's how you do it. guillermo, are you drunk? >> yeah. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all you have to do is ask. your honesty is refreshing. second night of a new season of "the x factor" aired on fox. this year, the winner of "the x
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factor," this is interesting, is going to compete against the winners of "american idol" and "the voice" for the title of most quickly forgotten karaoke singer. one of the big surprises this season -- [ applause ] is how tough new judge britney spears has been on the contestants. i think people thought she would kind of be like paula abdul, just sitting there, but she gives it to them pretty straight. sometimes she seems outright disgusted by the contestants. and with that said, it's time for a new segment called the britney sneer of the night. enjoy. ♪ >> jimmy: i see that expression a lot. and one more thing. it is thursday night and it's time for our weekly tribute to the fcc, where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. it is "this week in unnecessary censorship." enjoy. [ applause ] >> tonight, our coaches return more [ bleep ] up than ever to discover america's best voice.
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>> ryan reynolds, we have to say, great taste in women, blake lively and scarlett johansson. [ bleep ] both of them. i think they're great. >> [ bleep ] both of them. blake lively is wonderful. >> over the weekend, a man filed a police report accusing the singer of [ bleep ] him in the [ bleep ] while inside an l.a. nightclub. >> if you want me to come over, wash your [ bleep ], [ bleep ] your dog, i -- i'm game. >> bieber said he wants to be known for his music and not for [ bleep ] his hair. >> i feel like i have more responsibilities different aspects of my life, having to [ bleep ] more [ bleep ]. and do more of the things like that. >> because if i [ bleep ] your [ bleep ], i get as big as you and when we started, he was feeling my [ bleep ] and i was feeling his. >> the reason i'm in this race is to [ bleep ] people. >> give me something most men can't handle two of at the same time. >> [ bleep ]. >> the trainer is out there now and -- novak djokovic is receiving treatment. 007. >> key to a good sex life? >> oh, take a [ bleep ] before every time. >> oh, stop!
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>> did he get ex-girlfriend rihanna tattooed on his [ bleep ]? >> wait, wait, wait. there's another way. there's my way. let me show you my way. oh, let me go! ahh! >> jimmy: hey, we have a good show for you tonight. dave matthews is here to chat. we have music from dave matthews band and we'll be right back with terry bradshaw, so stick around. hey, they're saying this phone is going to be like a precious jewel. ooh, i love that! the headphone jack is... ... going to be on the bottom. (explosion noise) i heard the connector is all digital. what? what does that even mean?! who knows?
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i'm psyched! all i'm saying is that they should have a priority line... for people who've waited five times. i heard you have to have an adapter to use the dock on the new one. yeah, yeah, but they make the coolest adapters. welcome back! guess the galaxy s3 didn't work out. no, i love the gs3. it's extremely awesome. i'm just saving a spot in line for someone. that's not cool. yeah, man. this year, we're finally getting everything that we didn't get last year. yeah. the big screen! true 4g. yup. phone: bing! what is that? hey what did you just do? i just sent him a playlist. by touching phones? yup, simple as that. it's the galaxy s3. hey! hey! mom, dad! oh, thanks for holding our spot. hey, man. hey! how's it going? saved you a spot! i've moved on. you're not going to miss all this? nah, i got the samsung gs3 now. is that a samsung? that's the new samsung. it is... it's pretty cool. i kinda like it. this one's 4g.
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yeah, we've had that for a while. this one's got a big screen. yeah, this one has a bigger one. and we can share videos instantly. you can watch a video while you're sending an email. well we're going to get that, for sure... ... maybe not this time, but the next time, right? vo: the next big thing is already here. the samsung galaxy s3. [ male announcer ] start with nothing. build a ground-breaking car. good. now build a time machine. go here. find someone who can build a futuristic dashboard display. bring future guy back. watch him build a tft display like nothing you've ever seen. get him to explain exactly what that is. the thin-film transistor display -- [ male announcer ] mnh, maybe not. just show it. customize the dash. give it park assist, that fuel efficiency flower thing. send future guy home. his work here is done. destroy time machine. win some awards. send in brady. that's how you do it. easy. and the competition to make the menu is crazy fierce! you can taste the tension in the room. how did you get in here? [ berman ] new southwest flavors now part of applebee's 2 for $20.
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see you tomorrow. activating protection, bear! the more you move, the more it works! [ roars ] [ screaming ] new long lasting degree with motionsense help me! keep running! so i get claritin clear. this is all bayberry. bayberry pollen. very allergenic. non-drowsy claritin relieves my worst symptoms only claritin is proven to keep me as alert and focused as someone without allergies. live claritin clear. is really my mother. they keep asking me if the dirty guy is really my son. huh -- what do you tell 'um? holy smokes, these viva towels really are tough, even when wet!
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[ mike ] for the record, that's my real father, cleaning up a real mess on a real grill. see? very impressive! you're a natural. oh that's much better... dad's got his tough mess, i've got mine. [ female announcer ] grab a roll and try it on your toughest mess. i think you got it. >> jimmy: well, hi there, welcome back. tonight on the program, we get a visit from the great dave matthews. dave is here to talk and then he and the band are going to play music from this, their brand new album, it's called "away from the world." dave matthews band from the bud light outdoor stage. next week, we got some good shows. richard gere will be here, matthew perry, julie bowen, from "how i met your mother" josh radnor, from the texas rangers, josh hamilton, and we'll have music from kreayshaw and afghan whigs.
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so please join us then. all right. buckle up. our first guest tonight is that rare athlete whose career has actually benefitted from repeated blows to the head. he is an nfl hall of famer, four-time super bowl champ and the loopiest broadcaster maybe ever. from "fox nfl sunday," please say hello to terry bradshaw. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: good to see you. that's fine. we never use it anyway. how is it going? >> you look -- i haven't seen you -- you look good, man. >> jimmy: thank you, thank you very much. >> how much -- you lost a lot of weight. >> jimmy: a little bit. >> when you were with fox, you were a little chubby boy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you forgot the rest of your overalls, it looks like. >> i know. well, you know -- we come on at
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midnight, who cares, right? >> jimmy: this is very -- >> that's funny. >> jimmy: let me tell you something. this is a hip look for you. i think you look good. i like this. >> i'm in suits all day sunday and then all my -- oh, by the way, harry rose, he said mention us tonight and we'll get you more bookings. harry rose, i mentioned your name, i need more bookings. 2,500 bucks, man. that's pretty sweet. >> jimmy: you're one of the richest men in the united states. >> yes, i am one of the wealthiest men. >> jimmy: one of the savviest businessmen ever. >> exactly. >> jimmy: for those who don't know -- >> filthy rich, by the way, ladies. >>jimmy: this man, in the most brilliant move ever, did a commercial for supercuts despite the fact that he's completely bald. [ applause ] >> unprecedented. exactly. you're right. >> jimmy: how are things going without me. do you miss me at all? >> no. >> jimmy: you don't, really? >> we can't afford you. you're big now. >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> you got a lot of money. how much are they paying you? really, tell me.
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>> jimmy: you want to know in money or bales of hay? >> bales of hey, that's pretty expensive alfalfa. >> jimmy: hey, last time you were here you had a program called "pigs for jesus" going on. >> got in a lot of trouble for that. >> jimmy: you did. and -- >> don't laugh. >> jimmy: people thought you were joking. it was not a joke. >> dead serious. let me tell you what it was, folks. pigs for jesus, i'm baptist. everybody is baptist where i'm from in the south. except those who haven't been messed with. even the pigs. i wanted to start a foundation and i have a big ranch down in oklahoma, and i sectioned off a part of it for pigs and what i would do is buy pigs and then i would fatten them up and, don't take this wrong, but -- slaughter them. [ laughter ] and then i would take the meat and distribute it out to -- >> jimmy: hungry people. >> to hungry people, through food banks. >> jimmy: that's good. [ applause ] >> so, i was trying to think of a catchy -- [ applause ]
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>> well, not so quick. i'm trying to think, well, what's a good, you know, what's a good marketing thing? so, i thought, i'm a christian, so, pigs for jesus. and the little pig was flying with a halo around him with a big smile going to heaven. because he'd just been slaughtered. [ laughter ] so, i start it and i call it pigs for jesus and i thought it was cute. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i was doing bands and bracelets and socks and t-shirts and little did i know, i was really making a lot of people mad. >> jimmy: well, why? why were they getting mad? >> because my christian brethren were really upset with the smile pigs for jesus and a few other religions were upset with me. >> jimmy: is that right? >> so i -- so, i said, enough with this foundation. so, i shut her down. you cannot find my -- you cannot pigs for jesus anywhere. but i still raise pigs.
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i fund it myself. and we have fed up to date, this has been going on four years now, we fed over 80,000 people. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, that's very good. >> so -- what i thought -- what i thought was a good idea was a good idea -- >> jimmy: it was a branding issue. >> we're in a very sensitive society. but i still do what i wanted to do, which is feed people that are hungry. >> jimmy: when we started together at fox, we -- you didn't -- >> brilliant. brilliant. this guy is brilliant. >> jimmy: you didn't like me at all. >> no, that's not true. no, no, jimmy, i did like you. >> jimmy: you hated me. >> what are you talking about? howie didn't like you. >> jimmy: he still doesn't. >> howie will never like you. >> jimmy: but i feel like then you and i -- >> that is true, by the way. we connected. >> jimmy: i feel like you and i got to really appreciate each other and like each other. much like larry bird and magic johnson. you know? professional rivals but respectful of one another. >> okay. >> jimmy: yes. >> we weren't rivals.
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>> jimmy: well, a little bit. goof on each other on the air. it's not like we were rivals physically, obviously. you would crush me -- >> they would not show your skits and in your skits you would always take shots at my intelligence and so on and so forth and i didn't have time -- i don't have comedy writers like you have -- >> jimmy: i took shots at your lack of intelligence. [ laughter ] >> i got to kind of wing it and, so, sunday, a lot of times was like -- >> jimmy: are you saying this isn't written, this material of yours? >> no, no. you don't write my stuff. [ laughter ] so, it was -- >> jimmy: if you could read, i'd write it. >> now that's good. [ laughter ] [ applause ] no, i -- i loved you, when you left, i was devastated. >> jimmy: we had fun together. >> yes, we did. >> jimmy: you like the new guys there? >> i liked frank. i don't know who the new guy is.
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>> jimmy: you don't? he was on last week. >> i can't remember his name. >> jimmy: that's what i was going to ask. >> what is his name? >> jimmy: his name is rob riggle. he's a very funny guy. >> i guess he is. >> jimmy: i remember two years after i had been working there -- >> that third guy -- after a while -- fox is going, don't say that! by the way, folks, "fox nfl sunday," please watch it. >> jimmy: yeah, that would be good. >> it's a fun show. >> jimmy: michael strahan is now doing -- >> michael's got a great gig. >> jimmy: he's the new regis. >> is it "kelly and michael?" >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. "kelly and michael." >> he's great. big personality. every time i look at him, i want to kick a field goal or something through those teeth, but -- [ laughter ] he's got a -- he's a great guy and -- >> jimmy: are you happy for him? >> absolutely. >> jimmy: people aren't jealous that he's off working all week in new york and comes back out? >> no, why would we -- jimmy is happy in florida -- >> jimmy: jimmy johnson. yeah. >> mike is in new york now doing that show. i do -- i am in the horse and cattle business, or was, not
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anymore, give corporate speeches and i work and occasionally, you know, i do a movie. thomas toll out there tonight listening, and i do -- i'm, where's waldo in all his movies. i never get a line. i'm just in the background walking around. perfect for me. i might win an oscar. >> jimmy: you got something big coming up. >> all right. >> jimmy: i want to talk about that when you come back. i want to talk about your christmas album and i want to talk about your -- what's going on with you sexually, as well. terry bradshaw is here. we'll be right back. [ male announcer ] no one wants dandruff that keeps coming back.
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>> jimmy: hi there, we're back with terry bradshaw. "fox nfl sunday." now, terry -- where do you live when you're out here? do you have a house? you are -- it is nervous. >> really, really a nice hotel. >> jimmy: you are, really? >> i am. >> jimmy: stay there every night? >> i stay there, the first month of the season. >> jimmy: okay. >> and then -- >> jimmy: where do you go? >> i go back. during the football season, it's easier to fly out of dallas, so, i go back to my ranch in oklahoma, then i fly out of dallas. >> jimmy: you like living in a hotel? >> no. nice place, but i mean, i'm out in the country, you know, i have to adjust to it. first month's pretty hard because i'm just kind of -- what do you do? >> jimmy: where do you put the livestock? >> livestock -- well, i bring my goat with me everywhere i go. [ laughter ]
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>> jimmy: and what about -- you have a girlfriend? is there a lady in your life? >> where is this going. you got a lady? >> jimmy: maybe. i have an idea for you. >> what? >> jimmy: heidi klum is single now. that would be a nice pairing for you. [ applause ] >> no, i don't think -- >> jimmy: what kind of woman are you looking for? >> a single woman. >> jimmy: okay. >> with a lot of money. maybe can read a little. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: just a couple of requests. >> no, i didn't -- you were talking about -- can you hand me a napkin? i'm about to burn up. you were talking about that hotel. i got kicked out of my room. >> jimmy: why? >> some rich dude booked this room three months ago. i'm in this room for 70 nights a year. and they kick me out. i had my nutrisystem, my workout gear, my tapes, all my -- high def tvs -- i paid for this stuff. right? and they came, mr. bradshaw, you're going to -- we're sorry, you're going to have to get out of this room. you have to be kidding me.
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they stuck me in a room in the 13th, 14th floor. all my stuff, my fans and everything, i'm sitting there with nothing. the tvs aren't even high def in this place and this cost a lot of money to live in it. i ain't been real happy. before i got out, i smoked cigars. so i got even with them. i smoked a cigar. you can't smoke in this hotel. i lit up a cigar in every room. i blew it on the sheets, i blew it on the drapes. i -- oh, yeah. oh, i got even. i got even. i took metamucil and a bunch of stuff and had a bowel movement in the bed. you name it. kick me out of my room? i was -- i was hot, boy. but it will take them two months -- then i find out they are putting me back in my old room. anyway, i was steaming. look at me, i'm sweating like you know what. >> jimmy: you really are sweating a lot. >> you do the big high profile shows like this, this is a pig move. this is big for me right now. you're laughing. what? >> jimmy: i want to talk about your singing.
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>> my singing? >> jimmy: yeah. enough with the singing already. you have a christmas album coming out, i hear? >> next year. >> jimmy: why? [ laughter ] >> let me tell you -- >> jimmy: is there a single -- >> can you be serious for a second? >> jimmy: yeah, i can. >> if you have kids -- i have two precious daughters. 25 and 23, rachel is in nashville, great song writer, just signed with bigger pictures and she's doing her first album, coming out in the spring, my younger daughter erin graduated with honors from north texas -- it used to be north texas. i don't know what it's called now. anyway. she might go to law school, i don't know what she's going to do. but she's a big horse -- stop laughing. i'm trying to get through this. so, anyway, i -- what were we talking about? >> jimmy: i don't know. you headed down this road. >> no, so, anyway, i -- ever since they were little, i loved christmas. i put my christmas tree up the last week in october. i can't wait to play "it's a wonderful life."
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i mean -- i'm a huge christmas guy. and i always said, you know what, i love these little girls, i used to sing these christmas songs to them. i want to do a christmas album for my little girls. i've been wanting to do it for years and years. of course, nobody would -- i can't sing that well, so nobody would -- [ laughter ] but i find out, if you've got a little money, you can pay for it and do it yourself. [ laughter ] and, so -- [ cheers and applause ] so, that's -- i -- i got -- i took my trailer and, the one i just paid off, and i sold it, online, and got $12,000 for it and took that money and went to nashville and i'm doing a christmas album with a great producer. >> jimmy: what is it going to be called? >> i got a song coming out this year called "lights of louisiana," which we're going to send it out through the state of louisiana, obviously, and then next year, the single, the album will be out. >> jimmy: you know what would be wonderful? around christmas time, i would like you to come here and sing "lights of louisiana" for us. >> jimmy, hey -- >> jimmy: would you do that?
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>> yeah. i will -- i got a great friend, a great acoustic guitar player named ken johnson. i've already told him, i said, man, we have to sing this. it's a beautiful song. >> jimmy: bring him, bring the pigs for jesus. bring everything. we'll do this up right. >> we won't bring the pigs for jesus. we'll leave that alone. if you would like to send a little money to me -- >> jimmy: and the pigs for jesus performing live on the show. "fox nfl sunday," live at noon eastern time. terry bradshaw, everybody. we'll be right back with dave matthews. [ male announcer ] every day, thousands of people are choosing advil®.
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join green giant on facebook. ho ho ho ♪ green giant >> jimmy: hi there, welcome back. last year, our next guest and his band celebrated their 20th anniversary as one of the world's most successful bands and also one of very few bands named dave. their new album, which is called "away from the world," i have it over here. it's available now. please say hello to dave matthews. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: how are you? >> i'm good, how are you doing? >> jimmy: good. >> very exciting to be on the television with you. >> jimmy: well, thank you. it's very exciting to have you here. >> good thing. >> jimmy: we've been wanting you to come for a long time. i'm very glad that you're here. i'm sorry you have to sit in terry bradshaw's sweat right now. >> i was thinking -- i didn't think i had a lot in common with him, but -- but i sweat a lot. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> it's revolting. that's the only reason i can't bring sexy back. i always was jealous of someone being able to do that, but because of my sweating problem -- >> jimmy: you know, you do things -- there's like laser treatments and that sort of thing. you can have your glands cut off and they reroute your sweat from your head -- >> i don't know why getting your glands cut off makes me want to hold my -- [ laughter ] don't cut my glands off.
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>> jimmy: what really doesn't make you want to do that? if you think about it. >> exactly. >> jimmy: what was the -- last night was the last night of your tour, right? the hollywood bowl. >> yeah, the hollywood bowl, which is -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: which is a great place to play. >> when you play the staples center, it's -- you have a rock show. but when you play the hollywood bowl, it's like a picnic. >> jimmy: yeah, it is. >> everyone's kind of like -- >> jimmy: literally a picnic, because you can bring food and wine and people bring their little carry-ons. >> relax. >> jimmy: you like it better like that? or you like -- >> i have to tell myself, i have to say, i don't think they're bored. >> jimmy: oh, i see. >> sometimes they just look like, what are you doing? what am i doing here? what am i doing? >> jimmy: you did an encore last night and i want to ask you about that, i always wonder -- the encore puzzles me, because you -- they're planned, right? there's nothing spontaneous -- >> when i write the set -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> i always write what the encore is, too. but i understand, the strangeness of it.
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now, it's just a tradition. like, sometimes i'm going out on stage and i'm listening, i'm like, i don't even know if they want an encore. they're really quiet right now. do i look stupid if i walk out there? oh, it was great, no, go, go. go out, killer. and then i go out there and everyone is like, oh, he's back, hey, how's it going? >> jimmy: that's exactly the thing. because people know -- especially when you keep one of your biggest hits in your back pocket, they know you're going to do that song, they know you're going to come out and do it, so, it's almost like the audience is being tortured in a way. >> it as version of torture, for me now. >> jimmy: it's like, you better clap right now or else we're not going to come out. but you are going to come out, so, why don't we get rid of the encores altogether? >> it's a good point. i do -- i don't know if i'm the guy to break the tradition. >> jimmy: you're the guy to do it. >> sometimes, you know when you feel good. we were in luca in italy in the
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square. then we did an encore and we left and the crowd's like, oh, arr, the screaming, wow, let's do an encore. then we did an encore, then we left. arrrr! then, we did another. that's crazy. it's crazy with encores. >> jimmy: so, if people are enthusiastic enough, you will add an encore to the show? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you will? >> yeah. >> jimmy: see, that makes sense to me. >> but not always. sometimes -- hey, we can't. >> jimmy: we have a bus to catch. >> i'm tired. >> jimmy: you're a really good artist. i know you designed the last couple of album covers. almost it's like -- picasso meets hollywood squares. >> it is. it's like the hollywood -- but you know what? because i thought they wouldn't want it on -- on, some children might be offended in america, i didn't actually draw her nipples or her nipples. i just implied nipples. >> jimmy: you have a special nippleless album? >> but then i was -- now when i sign them, i draw in the nipples. >> jimmy: i like that.
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i have to have you do that for me. >> i'll do it. i'll do an extra nipple. >> jimmy: there's a video on tmz of you, people now know to ask you for drawings and you drew this for a guy and -- i don't know if you're aware of this, which is very good, but i don't know if you're aware of this, he sold it on ebay for $500. >> i knew that's what they do, because the pros, the guys that come equipped, if someone's holding a ticket from 19 -- you know. i wasn't -- was i in a band in yeah, i was in a band in the 1900s. oh, god. >> jimmy: then you know they were a fan and they were there. >> if a guy goes, i saw you in madison square garden in '95. that's what he said. and, with blues traveler, i'm like, we didn't play with that band in 1995 in madison square garden, you liar. >> jimmy: this one is on sale on ebay for $499 right now. you drew that? >> you're convincing me now to tell people -- >> jimmy: you should stop doing this. don't do this for people
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anymore. >> i'm going to stop. i'm stopping right now. unless they're real. >> jimmy: have a few trivia questions prepared -- if they can's those questions -- >> i know they're lying. i'm a big fan. you're not a big fan. i know they're not -- they're all pros. >> jimmy: this guy is selling it for $1,500. >> yeah. >> jimmy: which makes you a professional artist. >> yeah. i don't see any of it. what i should do is not do it for them and now that i've done it on tv, just do it -- do it for charity because they're not giving that money away. >> jimmy: that's right. that is a good idea. >> i'll do it with terry and pigs for jesus. >> jimmy: pigs for jesus. we could get pigs for jesus going again. [ applause ] well, we're very excited. the whole band is here. everybody, we got the blimp up ahead. everything is -- >> i saw the blimp. i tried to get a photo, carter my drummer and i were trying to get a photo but it turned around. >> jimmy: we'll get it for you, it's here for you. dave matthews band, everybody. that is their eighth album, "away from the world." it is available now. we'll be right back with dave
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matthews, the band. ♪
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[ typing ] ♪ ♪ [ camera shutter clicks ] ♪ gets her every time. [ male announcer ] it's hard to resist the craveable nature of the salty peanuts, dark chocolate, and smooth peanut butter in nature valley sweet & salty nut bars. irresistible. by nature valley.
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>> jimmy: this is their new album, it's called "away from the world." here with the song "mercy", dave matthews band!
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♪ ♪ don't give up i know you can see all the world and the mess we're making ♪ ♪ can't give up and hope god will intercede come on back imagine that we could get it together ♪ ♪ stand up for where we need to be 'cause crying won't save or feed a hungry child ♪ ♪ can't lay down and hope for a miracle to change things so lift up your eyes lift up your heart singing ♪ ♪ mercy will we overcome this oh one by one could we just turn it around maybe ♪ ♪ carry on just a little bit longer and i'll try to give you
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what you need ♪ ♪ me and you and you and you just wanna be free yeah yeah ♪ ♪ but you see all the world is just as we have made it and until we've got a new world i gotta say ♪ ♪ that love is not a whisper or a weakness no love is strong now we've gotta get it together ♪ ♪ gotta get gotta get gotta get til there is no reason to fight ♪ ♪ mercy will we overcome this oh one by one could we turn it around maybe ♪ ♪ carry on just a little bit longer and i'll try to give you
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what you need ♪ ♪ ♪ mercy will we overcome this or have we come too far to turn it around ♪ ♪ do we ask too much to be a little bit stronger 'cause i wanna give you what you need ♪ ♪ mercy what will become of us oh one by one could we turn it around maybe ♪ ♪ carry on just a little bit longer and i'll try to give you what you need ♪

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